Fasting, Worrying, Crying, Song Writing, Sighing, and Basically Anything Else Going on in My Life

Life has taken a pretty interesting turn.

I don' t remember if I told you all in my last post, but Fiance and I like each other. :D He's so nice. :D Hmmm...

But Fashionita is having a hard time. A REALLY hard time... It's family and grades- mostly. But... umm... she, uh.. sorry this is really hard for me... She confirmed my suspicions (sadly) that she has been having thoughts of suicide... Umm, she, umm (sorry).. she says that even if it is something as simple as cutting an apple, she wonders, "Why not now? Why not, just ... end it?" But she told us that these are short thoughts and that she always tries to get them out of her head, and think about all the amazing things she has in life. She told us that she wouldn't actually commit suicide, but the depression has got to be HORRIBLE. I am so worried for and about her. This is where the fasting comes in. Last week I fasted every morning until lunch for her. Well, not Sunday and Saturday... so every school day. And then today- I fasted until 1:20 for her. When I told Fiance I had been fasting for her, (but I didn't tell him her name, just in case she didn't want me to.) He said, "Wow, that's commitment." and I guess it kind of is. I told him that Fashionita is my best friend since, well basically since birth. He told me that that must be really hard since I know her so well. I'm writing a song about her. You know- about her needing to stay strong. I'll post the lyrics to it once I am done. :) But I have a favor to ask... can you all pray for her? PLEASE. I know I can't tell you what her name is, but just pray for "Emma's friend" or even for Fashionita. I just need you guys to help me out by praying for her. Now, related to this; I realized that I haven't ever really thought about ALL the wonderful things in my life, about all the things that would and do keep me from giving up; so here's my list (it's not in a specific order.) :

• Family; Even though we get in fights, they are some of the most important people in my life.
• Friends; Your friends are always there for you. I have experienced that with Megaroni and Fashionita too. :)
• Fiance; I'm sorry if you think it's sappy or weird or gross- but he's got to go on here. I feel like I have been pulled out of, well, kind of my own depression. He's probably the nicest guy I have ever met, and he isn't afraid of people knowing that he likes me. We promised to tell each other if something is ever bothering us, and we do. I think it helps a lot. We can listen and give advice, or- well.. I better just tell the story:

On the first day that we told each other that we liked each other, one of the other guys I liked was being a jerk to me. A BIG jerk. (I only like Fiance now- which is good because 2 of the other guys I liked are big, bad jerks. One is even a coconut head- in Fiance's words.) Anyway-  I told this guy to his face that he was a jerk to me, and he went who knows where, and I went into my friend's basement. She came down and told me that I made this guy feel bad. All I had said, and I didn't even say it in a mean tone, was, "You know, you really a jerk to me..." I said it quietly, and just as a little nudge to him to PLEASE STOP. I told my friend about how this guy had made me cry so many times, and about how he was such a jerk to me. And then she confessed something... She said, "Emma the only reason he is such a jerk to you is because he doesn't want you to like him." I was SO mad. and sad. Sure, I didn't care if he didn't like me back, but he didn't have to be a jerk about it. So I went upstairs and sat in the sun-room all alone. But then I texted Fiance. I said, "Okay, not trying to vent or anything, but I just found out that one of the guys I like is being a jerk to me so that I won't like him anymore. Sheesh." Then he replied. I was expected a Sorry, or something of the sort. All I needed was someone to talk to- but I got someone better. I got Fiance. He replied and said, "Well then he isn't worth the time of day. Just because someone feels that way about you doesn't mean that you get to try and change it. He just doesn't know what beauty inside and out he is missing! Do you want me to talk to him?" It was the best thing he could have said, and I know he really meant all of it. :) THAT is only one of the reasons Fiance is on the list. :)

• GOOD FOOD. I am talking about homemade, spur of the moment creations, delectable, smooth food, ANYTHING that seems gourmet, is gourmet, or just makes your taste buds dance a happy jig. :)
• SCRIPTURES. TOTALLY. I know that I need to read them more, especially since every time I do I feel like I am getting a new revelation of some sort.
• PRAYER. Okay, so maybe I should just said the LDS gospel in general, so that's what I am doing now. I know that "my" religion is the true religion, and no one can make me think differently. In fact, when people try to sway me from my religion, it makes my belief stronger... I can tell them all the good things, and answer their questions (most of them), and correct what THEY believe about this church. I feel so bad for them- because they don't know the truth...
• THIS. BLOGGING. I LOVE this. It just feels so natural. :)
• WRITING SONGS. I know that I just started to write songs, and that some of them probably suck- but it fills me up so write songs. It's like if you are still hungry, but you only have a glass of milk to "fill in the cracks."
• READING. Oh. My. Goodness. I do not know what I would do without books. I think I would die. I would just have to write my own- but that doesn't satisfy the READ part of me since I know what happens... that satisfies the:
• WRITING part of me. I can't live without writing too. I guess it's good that I can't live without these things, because I will always have them. :) (If you are thinking, "yeah right, like you and Fiance are going to get married." We may or may not. That is not for me or Fiance to know at this time. Either way- I will always remember how kind he is to me, and hopefully I can meet some more guys like him in the future.)
• PHOTOGRAPHY. DRAWING. PAINTING. ARTISTIC stuff in general. I can't live without this either.
• ACTING. SINGING. DANCING. The things on this list are like the ingredients to the cement that is the foundation of my life.

There are SO many more, but I can't list ALL of them- this post is already pretty long. :)

So- here's a few things:

1. Read through Hymn #31. NOT JOKING. Read it. We sang that in church today and was so powerful. Except- DON'T just read it. Study it. OH- and study the scriptures it lists at the bottom to- there's a purpose for everything.
2. Be faithful. Be loving. Be kind. Search, Ponder, and Pray. PRIMARY and SUNDAY SCHOOL answers. But they ARE IMPORTANT- since we are always taught them. Brother Guy taught our lesson in Sunday School today, and he taught us that we have already done what we need to do to get into the kingdom of the Lord. But we have to keep doing it. We were baptized- so we are set to go. If I asked you right now if you were to die tomorrow- do you think you would go to heaven? And you would probably say no. You would think of all the bad things you have done. But you repent every Sunday! You repent all the time. If you died tomorrow, I TRULY believe that you would go to heaven.
3. Find something beautiful/wonderful in EVERYONE. If a friend asks you- "Do you think she's pretty?" and points to a girl that everyone makes fun of, that no one seems to like- find at least ONE THING that you love about her, even if it is just how she files her nails, or how she walks, and say "YES." You never know what can change a person's life.
4. If you get a prompting to do something, to stop by and visit someone, to say hello, to smile, to ANYTHING- DO IT. It will change that person's life. I PROMISE.

I hope you all learned at least one thing from this, because I sure learned A LOT of things.

Live, Love, Thrive, and MANY others.