Single, and Trying to Mingle
Okay, honestly. It's actually legitimately hard to be a single [Mormon] girl in today's world. Like, it's really difficult.
The world expects us girls to always look pretty, sexy, or perfect. That we should always be happy and go-along with all adventures. That we should party hard and be the life of the party.
Let me tell you something- THOSE ARE NOT REALISTIC DESIRES/STANDARDS.
I feel confident and comfortable with my body's shape, size, and appearance. I [usually] feel pretty wearing anything. Yes, getting all gussied up in a fancy dress is fun, but I can feel just as AWESOME in a t-shirt and some sweats/old jeans. Sometimes I put my hair back using pens, pencils, paintbrushes, or chopsticks. Like, who gives a crap, really?
Sometimes? I'm not happy. I don't always want to smile and go along with the next adventure that crosses my path. Sometimes I don't want to party. Sometimes I just wanna go home, eat chocolate, curl up under my covers, and cry while forgetting about the world.
SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY SUCKS.
For the last year and a half, the majority of the multi-stake dances (youth church dances for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term I used.) I have gone to have been okay, but just that... and have involved a LOT of solo dancing on my behalf. I'm single. I'm mingling. I'm not a monster. I almost never get asked to dance. Almost NEVER. The Santa Cruz Beach dance in August? WAS THE FREAKING BOMB DIGGITY. Those guys really stepped up to the plate, and impressed me. I was asked to dance almost every slow song at that dance.
For the one brave soul who asked me to dance tonight? I applaud you. You are a praise-worthy person in my eyes. You rock. Seriously. I'm not trying to bag on the guys at the dances. Not really. I understand that it's nerve-wracking to ask a girl to dance. What if she rejects you? Let me clue you in on a little "secret"...
I AM SINGLE, TRYING TO MINGLE, LOVE TO DANCE, AND LOVE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. I will not reject you or say no when you ask me to dance. I even try to stand away from groups of girls during slow songs so that you guys don't feel intimidated or ganged up on.
If you ask me to dance, I can assure you I am not a crazy girl expecting you to give me a promise ring at the end of the song. Heck- I don't even usually get the numbers of the guys I dance with! (Though sometimes I debate if I should...) Anywho, I don't expect much. I really just wanna meet new people and have fun being included at the dances. I'm not asking for a boyfriend. I mean, as a girl who's favorite movie genre is romance, yes I fantasize about it frequently. But the more realistic side of me knows I'm not truly looking for that right now. I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship.
I swear, I should make a t-shirt for the next dance that says, "I don't bite" or "I'm single" or "I like to dance" or "HEY FREAKING ASK ME TO DANCE; I'M A HUMAN BEING TOO."
But it's hard. Because when you see all your friends having a great time, and getting asked to dance- and then you just have to slink off and eat churros in a corner... you debate leaving the dance early. You don't feel like you're having fun... and when you're driving home all alone, after the dance is over, and you don't have any awesome stories to tell or remember? You just might almost cry. Or want to cry but not be able to. Or only be able to let out one desperate sob. Or all of the above, like me tonight.
I thought tonight was gonna be awesome. I thought that now that I'm most definitely and unmistakably single that I don't give off a "taken" vibe anymore. Do I give out a different vibe now that still keeps the boys away?
It seriously is difficult for me. I swear sometimes I feel so invisible. I'm not trying to be a diva or a sissy or anything, I just feel like maybe almost everyone has misunderstood my "relationship status" and how I'm doing. Do I need to "announce" it publicly? Because I can... and have many times already. But here it goes again:
The world expects us girls to always look pretty, sexy, or perfect. That we should always be happy and go-along with all adventures. That we should party hard and be the life of the party.
Let me tell you something- THOSE ARE NOT REALISTIC DESIRES/STANDARDS.
I feel confident and comfortable with my body's shape, size, and appearance. I [usually] feel pretty wearing anything. Yes, getting all gussied up in a fancy dress is fun, but I can feel just as AWESOME in a t-shirt and some sweats/old jeans. Sometimes I put my hair back using pens, pencils, paintbrushes, or chopsticks. Like, who gives a crap, really?
Sometimes? I'm not happy. I don't always want to smile and go along with the next adventure that crosses my path. Sometimes I don't want to party. Sometimes I just wanna go home, eat chocolate, curl up under my covers, and cry while forgetting about the world.
SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY SUCKS.
For the last year and a half, the majority of the multi-stake dances (youth church dances for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term I used.) I have gone to have been okay, but just that... and have involved a LOT of solo dancing on my behalf. I'm single. I'm mingling. I'm not a monster. I almost never get asked to dance. Almost NEVER. The Santa Cruz Beach dance in August? WAS THE FREAKING BOMB DIGGITY. Those guys really stepped up to the plate, and impressed me. I was asked to dance almost every slow song at that dance.
For the one brave soul who asked me to dance tonight? I applaud you. You are a praise-worthy person in my eyes. You rock. Seriously. I'm not trying to bag on the guys at the dances. Not really. I understand that it's nerve-wracking to ask a girl to dance. What if she rejects you? Let me clue you in on a little "secret"...
I AM SINGLE, TRYING TO MINGLE, LOVE TO DANCE, AND LOVE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. I will not reject you or say no when you ask me to dance. I even try to stand away from groups of girls during slow songs so that you guys don't feel intimidated or ganged up on.
If you ask me to dance, I can assure you I am not a crazy girl expecting you to give me a promise ring at the end of the song. Heck- I don't even usually get the numbers of the guys I dance with! (Though sometimes I debate if I should...) Anywho, I don't expect much. I really just wanna meet new people and have fun being included at the dances. I'm not asking for a boyfriend. I mean, as a girl who's favorite movie genre is romance, yes I fantasize about it frequently. But the more realistic side of me knows I'm not truly looking for that right now. I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship.
I swear, I should make a t-shirt for the next dance that says, "I don't bite" or "I'm single" or "I like to dance" or "HEY FREAKING ASK ME TO DANCE; I'M A HUMAN BEING TOO."
But it's hard. Because when you see all your friends having a great time, and getting asked to dance- and then you just have to slink off and eat churros in a corner... you debate leaving the dance early. You don't feel like you're having fun... and when you're driving home all alone, after the dance is over, and you don't have any awesome stories to tell or remember? You just might almost cry. Or want to cry but not be able to. Or only be able to let out one desperate sob. Or all of the above, like me tonight.
I thought tonight was gonna be awesome. I thought that now that I'm most definitely and unmistakably single that I don't give off a "taken" vibe anymore. Do I give out a different vibe now that still keeps the boys away?
It seriously is difficult for me. I swear sometimes I feel so invisible. I'm not trying to be a diva or a sissy or anything, I just feel like maybe almost everyone has misunderstood my "relationship status" and how I'm doing. Do I need to "announce" it publicly? Because I can... and have many times already. But here it goes again:
I. AM. SINGLE. AND. TRYING. TO. MINGLE.
-Mastermind
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